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day and night together
I search the plasmatic space and vacuum together
where my heart has its niche
frustration of epileptic nerves
put a harsh stroke on the obsessive heart
I get jostled out to reality
waking , strolling my way
back to House
people call it home
so I have adapted to call it
home
a home
where you may come
with an eye full of love
I have searched
every moment with
with the past and present
it has taken a perfect state of the art
but my die hard nerves
they never recluse the reality crunch
with my scientific know how
they get more annoyed
at the whims of the spell of air
that comes
direction free
to stray me to the blue
to research you
may be
at vacuum
of the unknown
I am really at wits end
how to pacify such a non sense pulsating hell
but it calls itself the emotion triggered system of the blue
I wonder
what it stands for
is it the reality
or
a reality defined in distress
at my small moments
I was wondering at the gushing flood waters of river ghaghar whilst sitting at its earthen banks
trees with roots twisty twirly was asking me too many words
but all in micro-waves
I tried a lot
but only today I could catch the meanings
may be tomorrow I shall say the same
I know the momentum of universe
some inside me
it fetches replies to what I struggle hard
day and night
when I got fused up
I retire to your love
in shades of heavy canopy trees
heats making the romance of life
I know
fits and misfits of the worlds around
I give a damn to it
when the bullshit if and whats got finished up
I search and surf my moments at hand
as if you are residing at my heart
live and throbbing
the hrs change to seconds
I wonder
If at all I need something else
I know
the worldly affiliations
that shall drive the final shoot
But I am least bothered
I live my world on nanoseconds
happy birthday 3rd July
When I got to this world
I was searching who's ,whats & whys
all the way
all the time
some felt me too insane
others I threw like
for dustbins
Now I stand
at threshold of my own self
an array left
millionth unsaid
til a lot
this is how your heart speaks
at the moment I get on line
when you shall have few moments
we'll have our hot choclate fudge
this time
I will pay the bill
I know
you never allowed me
your love
when it comes
gushing like waters of the horizon
I forget all
even you
your love is more near to me
but I love you
as only you can fetch your love live
one day
I know
you may not be around to meet
but your love shall stand tall
to stand to the time
space you left
I shall reside
for the moments to come
I am sending my love
with this
and hot chock late fudge
that you love to love to have with me
you remember
I shared the same spoon with you
now my taste has become as of yours
when I drive
you guide me
as if I have yet to learn
I fought and laughed with you
you know
it has become my backdrop of visions
Now when I work
you ask me
its nice but you draft the lines this way
I wonder
my pen also loves you
I changed to writing in pencil
so that I can rub it off
but that too is making your contours
that shadows
you and me walked under the sun
I told you
I'll tell you
why I write my work only in pencil
Now my pencil
even if I change it too often
it loves you
I have concluded
your love is more beautiful to you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 3rd July
relevance is the only technical and neutral concept
probably the de facto causality around
some may be less exposed
there are plants
that sleep over the long period
to have relevance in the springs
where are these springs
I ask
as the heavy trucks' tires running on the highway make their sound too audible at the silent moments of this hrs
many times
I do wonder
may be
these truck drivers are better lot to us
no bullshit taxing nerves at hand to negotiate
particularly this damn heart
one day I did observe these people closely
sitting on pavements at late night hrs
waiting for their turn for the entry time
they look just like us
still too different
probably they have better emotional quotient to us
I do ask
is it
I am not like these chaps
whilst driving late night hrs
bound to my mundanes
I do acknowledge
its somewhere
I am more akin to reality
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today was a different day
our senior executive on his fag end day
we shared a lunch gathering
he chose to be with us whole of the day
all what I remember
the enigmatic feels
not of the fag end day
but life after that
I often say at my personal moments
its already what I do
day and night together
I have come out of the past
in such metamorphic way
it doesn't come to dreams
howsoever it may be nightmarish
probably I have evolved to an hitherto impossible equations
I know
the time and space has to move
one day it may look like
still to learn more for evolving further
does it mean
sad and more sad
struggling to find the elixir of
life
probably yes
even like dews in the mist
of love
nowhere on the horizon of my being around
still struggling
to have a full moon of it
I do wonder
who is at my die hard spirits
is it you
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I was reading a research presentation of loneliness
the gist which the author depicted is as follows:-
the perception quotient and quality of relationship i.e the quotient of proximity of relationship decides how far one can be affected by this vicious malaise of modern times
socialite is not at all a remedy
the relationship closeness on benevolence cardinals is the key to success.
well!!!
its a part of psychology
but psychiatry has different conotations
when we are in our mother womb all such vacuums suffered by the monther are transferred to the child
the formative stage has a little role to play barring the extreme cases of abuse or distortions etc eg a prisoner of war etc.
but this has no escape route
we shall have to negotiate
sometimes obsessions do serve a better part to thrive
but as the very title indicates , its only a make shift alternative
is that
sufferings and more sufferings is the only way
probably yes for millions of the hearts around
psychotherapy does serve a part of solution
provided it gets continued over a real very large part of life
shapes may be many
work alcoholism, creative-ism in any form, obsessions of traveling and sports etc
but the truth is
all such activities are not cost effective
and every one can't afford on financial terms
many of the ibid alternatives are not accepted by the system ,so called the society or the groups etc etc
is there no solution at all
probably yes
but if one can change the perception by force full methods of self allusion
it's practically re-incarnation whilst in the same life span
its horrible if one can understand
but tough achievements do come at a horrible price tag
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where is that exotic beauty
probably every heart looks for
all the personal seconds available
is that love suffices the definitions of that
but the if is
what love constitutes
if at all
it happens to be around
is that loving a beauty
or loving self or contrarily the outer live or otherwise environs
is love is that bullshit god
who is known to the least
I was running my pencil too sharp
to conclude my this day noting interpreting what constitutes a breach of contract and related legal nuances
why the law is always blind
and the damn corruption rampant to the nerves
but my fingers have their own brain
as they never right beyond
what is expected from an enlightened bureaucrat
but my heart lost somewhere
not at all related to the job I was absorbed at
my fellow friends did try their best to distract me
but I didn't stop the work unfinished
at the fag end
I simply whispered!!!!\
yes!!! you were saying something
whether this something is really known to me
or hell bullshit philosophy
I write day and night
to find the exotic love
nonetheless beauty in any form
I looked straight
my friends were smiling at me
and I did match their mood
my heart was abusing me
probably it wanted to talk of you
but I am fed up with its demands
putting damn stupid query
like a spoilt child
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day and night together
