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I am afraid of love
"mughei pyar sei dar lagta he"
I was negotiating the hectic traffic on Vijaychowk
Army buses waited the people in dress to come and push off fast as the VIP movement suddenly came crashing on the surrounding
I took fast steps to avoid embarrassment to the security people
but suddenly stoped afterwords
I was not at all interested who is that VIP that happened to throng here at this hr of rush and fast catche' of the evening close up
I am afraid of love
my heart was repeatedly pulling me up
I didn't bother to reply
now my steps stopped on expanse of lawns beautifully maintained to put extra glamour to the happening site for millions
the reverberated sound of my heart resonated in the stratosphere
"I am afraid of love"
I kept silent
are you fool enough: you are not listening to me : my heart pulled me up
suddenly I found the whole passage was diverted owing to Republic day ceremony preparations
I have managed this expanse too many time whilst on security duty
my heart again pulled me up: are you bullshit damn deaf and dummy around
I was instead lost in the fragrance of the environs
my focused eyes on India Gate
It appeared like a profusely dressed up bride
I pondered how many brides have lost their love to fetch this happening day to me
my heart was asking his stupid questions too intermittently
suddenly I got annoyed
I retorted back
can't you see
every body was afraid of love
whilst they scarified all
damn it : don't teach me the history of nationalities
Now I listened to my heart
but by this time
it got evolved to that extent
yes love
I appreciate
Love is only meant for loosing
and love lives in ghost entities
probably that is the right place of its existence
my heart was self satiated
but now I was looking the blues
why I am afraid of love
I asked me instead
source:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
the day went to the tunes of twisty twirly rhythms of work
with whims of self devised oasis
whilst the mirage continued to play the roost of toughest reality
I remembered the cosy times spent with my acquaintance transformed to sweet heart
ground reality crunch didn't budge at all
I fought with streams of reality equations
the dwindling strength of spirits with me
gaining strength at another moment
with vengeance of my nerves
the struggle is infinite
I know
my lonely heart and hardy nerves will never accept defeat
but I do wonder
what I have to do
whom to give my sides
source:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
the day ended with a usual tone of preparedness for the next morning hrs
its nothing new in my Army environs
I was slow and pausing too frequent as if I didn't wish to come to my home
I suddenly felt the fragrance of trees was too penetrating
the rustic attire of Her is a bliss
I know this since my univ days
but what made the moments so special
I didn't pull my nerves to act
the spirit of monotonous entity refused to budge at all
my steps and me
they are accustomed to roam around vijay chowk
the happenings ulma mater
people throng to get the taste of their love one
some of the plants appeared to wish me something special
my dud nerves brushed aside their gestures
I crossed the royal expanse
with no inkling of special moments
my heart did sleep over the itinerary
of the chores
I realised
I was getting fresh fragrance from own aura
whilst being too busy at my work during whole of the day
I did wonder
I have not applied any special perfume
what makes my system to feel like rouwolfia
or say magnolian beauty lit large
A senior Col of forces asked me to sign the papers
of the previous day finished work
I thought army officers are used to such fragrance
but this was throughout the day
I came at my this pc
suddenly found
the fragrance was oozing out
I still wonder
how this fragrance walked along me
to that extent
source: my special heart
pyar" keisa hota hei
how does love look like
my heart asks me
I stop my tears
I know it would like too stupid
I was walking as usual at the Rajpath whilst vijay chowk was already shadowed with thick blanket of fog
I could realise the shining border lines
as if the lord has to come and say something
may be I am too afraid of love
the reasons are abysmally simple
IF hurt feels are weakening me
as day passes
I don't look like a weakened stuff
but my heart asks
what will you do with the strength
I search every nanon of my happenings
work equations laugh at me
and say
what will you after we expire our innings
I smile
but fights remain intact
source::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
me and my environment
often ask each other
the questions are asked in cipher language
I have learned this language at my Army experience
but the hearts wavelengths
No body can have depth of the things around
its even beyond the expertise of psychiatry
howsoever smart and manoeuvre able the doctor may be
but what it pertains to
its not that things are painted in rosy
life remains intact in normal ways around
the meaning and equations change a billionth
but how to know the things in between the lines
its simply beyond the understanding of a normal brain
stars shine as usual
but the shine of love is different
so is the life around
the fragrance of the environs
its takes the warmth
hitherto inexperienced by the mundanes
normal mundane brain may call it simply foolish
but its the other way round
on the reality aspects of this exotic existence
its not that it involves any possession
in either way
its rather the contrary
but it gives you all
in return
source::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
hitherto fore I never realised that I am loved by such exotic hearts who enthused me to write and have a meaning of life so vacuous otherwise to the extent I see the horizon and ask myself who the person are you
I was conversing to Neha Mehta and found myself to be as if living on another planet of exotica
I was writing like a robot and probably she wondered how to respond to this spoilt genius
I know my end of know how is horrible to an equation whereby I have to stop myself with psychiatric medicines
but I love to love my sweet hearts
my heart asks where are you all alone
I get caught by the penetrating question of my heart
I look for
but what is that
today late evening as I crossed the vijay chowk
it was a scintillating scene all around
the lights were putting extra glamour to the landscape around
I did ask myself
such an exotic place
and you remain so desolate and dejected
but why so
probably I have no reply
I search where my love has got lost
but what is my love
I fail to understand myself
the quest goes on relentlessly
and I find in another quagmire
to know myself
and my love
source: Neha .C Mehta
I could not feel the real love feelings for the last 20yrs or so
my univ did tel me what this word stands for
but it could not put me a reality quotient
probably it didn't have the powers to that extent
I was conversing live ( a rare bliss for me ) with one of my sweet hearts
I read the whole conversations too much repeatedly
the purpose was to know : what and where the love has been lost
this word is really exotic to truest form
you simply can't love if you wish
it comes to you of its own
but if it comes in any form : its the epitome of god : probably the rarest bliss one can have
I traverse my short distance at Rajpath everyday
with a thought full brain and empty hands
in a quest to know of my own self
and its the toughest aspect to know your own self
but I do it repeatedly
as this has proved the greatest challenge at my front of happenings
looking for the rainbow
whilst I know its too ephemeral
why my thoughts look sane
I ask too much of me
I visualise as if my life is burning to end
without a purpose at all
I ask myself
who is your love
and are you sure
it will realise you at all
I have no reply at all
so my questions remain empty
till the other day and night
evening too
source:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
its a chilly weather this morning
but I have opened all doors of my flat and put on the fan at slow speed
I wrote I feel the heat of June at this sneazy winter
I do not feel the physical heat but my stormy thoughts put the things like that
If this is being read by my acquaintance and friend Dr. Dimple : she will put me in a psychiatric asylum and my friend and respected heart .Dr. Harish Arora will put his sarkari sig to prove the point.
I don't claim of much of psychiatric disorders
but probably I am none other than its plethora of implications
my heart asks: change the scenario: if you were living with a beauty around you:
Now I am compelled to accept this ground reality would have been completely inverted
Now it says it proves that you are a definite case of psychiatric disorder
things may be too twisty twirly on light side
but rainbow of ground realities takes its own toll
so here are the equations
I wander for the wandering sake
definitely I will prefer to write new equations and challenges
as my friend Neha suggested one time
but I know its too easy to write as the excellence of writing is already with you with the hurrying experience of dedicated reading in between the lines and the learning process of the yrs if put together makes things too glossy
I know reality is too cruel
probably that is the reason
I do not let my bio system to adopt to luxury
as I hardly know
when I am asked to run and shoot
source:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I was a lonely heart in near smashing crowds of Nehru Place this afternoon
my this visit was too mundane- to purchase a data traveller
but my heart always looks for alibi
as if God is simply free of its infinite work to please this pumping machine
time travels with unforeseen cardinals
but why we fall short of its goals
I have no reply at hand
as the equation and meaning of time is different with different scenarios
back home
I was surfing one of my sweet hearts snaps
why things are too close and infinitesimal at another quotient
my heart was poking me this time
some of my source of inspirations do come on line
but I do not converse at all
my questions remain to myself only
the vacuum gathers momentum
but I know there is hardly anything else
self centred existence is de fault causality
with which you have to negotiate
irrespective of your potentials
this is what time stands for
an elderly person told me one day
I still wonder
why we are so time circumscribed
is it we
or the existential factors put the final thumb
may be both
source:::::::::::::
meet with the mooring is probably what I make of sand dunes and my heart
happy moments self defined
its a different equation
whilst at FDK psychiatry ward I was exposed to plethora of happenings hitherto airy to my nerves
but how it shall take a reality quotient
I hardly know of it
I remain obsessed with work equations
probably that's what Nature has bestowed upon me
how a heart shall enthuse an array of exotic moments
my heart looks around round the clock
yes its true
I really don't know
is that less knowledge is a bliss
one can say that
but the reality crunch
it hardly leaves anyone unprepared
I feel the heat of June in this chilly weather
it occurs vice versa at June timings
I search my heart
find no reply at all
may be
I am that only
source : Dr.Dimple.b
Bank of Baroda Defence Colony New Delhi
the special home loan counter
I was calm posed to get my loan payment for tax purposes
it was a usual day except for the lady officer dealing my case
nothin special
but I make sand dunes with a beautiful pen paint of thoughts
to survive the monotony that hits me at every another second with me
I recall my previous writting , exuberant with euphoric moments with a hidden thread of sad tone
but I was happy for that moments at the euphoric experience
some hearts are fragrant
it leaves your aura with a sunami of freshness and relevance
I know the backwaters
they will go with all my worth
leaving me again in a ditch of vaccum lit large
but who cares
Brain wash is commonly used and understood over the populace
technique may be of different sorts
the bio-energetic parametric understanding is more complex
the brain activity has holistic approach towards the factor which has manipulations in whole array of psychological and psychiatric paradigms
the short and long memory often translates into complex proteins of the brain nervous system
the gene language written in this fashion proves the cardinal
whether its manoeuvrable to the extremes
the answer is big yes
this very technique is being used over the ages to manipulate the things on inter-personal levels
the results are horrific and extremely realistic
well tested over the generations
but present day science has much more to say
the pros and cons of advanced psychological and psychiatric aspects are twin blade sword
then the frontiers are endless
but the cost of this warfare in plethora of aspects is simply mind stirring
you can make and remake the whole world around
the genesis itself can be manipulated
well who are winners and loosers
depends
on its applicability and approach
me and my controversial half
it struggles day and night round
with a meaningless struggles at hand
I remain aghast
why the stuff is so hot
what is the topic at large
moments come suddenly crashing on me
sending tormentors nerves on full stream
I perform to out stand my reality
as it thrashes me at the face
with an intense and momentous sharp
what is fuss all about
I too largely encompassing at thoughts
far less accustomed to ground realities
remember my hearts
that may give me strength
for the immediate fight
whilst I know
its me only
the dark span around
struggles of interiors
it fetches me another front
too open with uncertain hostilities on the heights
I do wonder
is it so real
or the whims around
I loose the reality touch
just to find another one
one day my super specialist psychiatrist friend was in too philosophical mood to accept the truth which probably is too evasive to all intellectuals over the scale of time and space
I am doing his words into reality with a dusting job on this non working day
I have avoided writing holiday
the depth of thoughts is more than evident
and represents our inner intellectual psyche which wanders endless to realise the exotic love lit large around in thin airs
but why its so
is there no reply to the most intimate question of the heart around
probably its a harsh truth
we have to face
with or without
some reasons are too intrinsic and beyond our existential understanding
probably that's what I write
with meaningless equations to the hardy eventualities
but its painful
does it mean pain is a de facto reality
probably yes
that's a way to accept the truth
my friend intended to tell me
source: Dr.Dimple.b
one day I lost in my thoughts and illusions simply walked on the greens of Rajpath
I suddenly chose to sit in close proximity to a young lady with her beautiful baby
Only seconds could make me understand of stupid choice of sitting on the lawns
I hardly choose to sit on the spread space of lawns of Rajpath whilst I cross this every day countless on time scale.
I was suddenly got realised by my friend to live in present
but suddenly I found she too lives in past of happenings
our memories irrespective of its colours and content are zillionths of interplexed proteins on our hind end of the cerebrum
some research is on advanced stage of manipulating this part of brain bio-chemistry to help fight trauma whilst not touching the euphemistic part of the storage : but its too immensely difficult aspect: target/pseudo- target gene technology has the potential to work wonders
weather our love factor shall be in our hands
depends
source: Neha.c and Dr.Dimple.b
the title picture is somewhat too exotic
never realised over the time and space
lost may be the moments nonetheless
some moments in my live world
I was stepping over a shade of scintillating plants
crushed by the rubble left by the casual workers
how insane the usual acts may be
plants seems to whisper
the pains could make my nerve flutter
I stepped with the seconds running with night shades getting thick
some the droplets
of the early fall
it could wet my skin
every reality takes its own toll
realised it may be too mechanical
my soul seems to whisper
as if
whole world is too different
as I visualise at other moment
the difference makes another monotony
as if nothing is in hands
I obsessed with reality
could hardly stop
to another surroundings
me and my pc
how the things make and remake
bereft of
what we aspire and wish for
my restless brain
heart with an array of questionnaire
it remains
a dog fight of airplanes
and me the docile
wakes
but only
one reality takes into another
source: Dr.Dimple.b
often usual ways stir me like a hot frothy cauldron
I search the blue
as if clouds of replies are meant for me
too child's heart
It struggles to trap me at every second
where I happen to be
I shall take infinite time to let my heart evolve to reality
probably child heart is a de novo trap infinitesome
may be its a source of fighting the ways
the source and track of evolution
I search and research the genesis
find too much of the thesis
but none suffices to fit into the reality crunch
I know the remedies
but wonders
if at all
it serves the purpose
but what is my purpose
I again fall to another trap
some of mine
others too intrinsic bereft of definitions
probably its the way
I am attuned to roses
whilst lilies come my way
I fail to decipher the difference
all together
my search never ends
source: Dr. Dimple.b
As the day clicked at 17.30hrs, my army people reminded me to wind up for the day
Probably it was a week end day for everyone around
A wave of alighted feels spread over the faces
I stared around
as if some relevance to week end feel may dawn at my own cerebrum
but probably I had have already tuned up to the monotony lit large
I was too slow around vijay chowk- the sand of my making and unmaking
The crowds did remind me of euphoria in the air emanating from trade fair being organised at Pragati Maidan
still searching for an elusive face of mine in the crowds
whilst I know at my zillionth ends , it is No where around
why I search the thin air
whom I guess to be that fragrant
for whom my heart vibrates infinitesome
I search and relocate the live faces around
make my own niche
til I realise again
its the day end
lets for the healthy heart
forget the mirage of emotions
my steps didn't mind my multifarious persona
lit large to find one
who can come running
to embrace with exuberance of the cosmos
I do recall
one of the hearts
that shadowed the path I crunched around
source: Dr.Dimple.b
the hot scenario around the world cauldron generally has no impact on me and my office hierarchy
reason is simple: army brass doesn't bother about the tomorrow
but why I feel trapped in that scenario
may be I am too vacuous at my heart
my boss asked if you will be in office as he wants to go on leave: I replied I have no where to go for that long days
he smiled with grateful eyes
both of us do understand the meaning behind the reciprocal smiles
whilst sitting on a volcano of things around
I feel impulsive to recall my sweet hearts
so is the nerves with me: too keen to pen down
but who is my sweet heart
probably its too whimsical and airy
I make sand dunes
may be momentarily to extent beyond apprehension
but I do miss a lot
every day every time
when I steal my moments
source: Dr. Dimple.b
the stretched out wild scape is probably beautiful more to the eyes that encountered the vacuity of the inhibited ones.
the title plant is hardy tree of medium height spread over semi arid zones where I happened to ooze out of my bio limited entity to the wast oceanic reality of Nature.
the first glimpse of barren experiences suddenly changes to the realistic world of existential largely spread over the expanse of our heart where it happen to be by a de facto reality
probably we play too soft and mirage of evading reality quotient never dries up
why don't we accept
the inner sane conscience do ask too much of such
probably the effervescence of evolving nerves find and synthesize the concept of romance
but why we fail to see the romance in barren or wild environs
what is stopping us to believe
and why we make a reality too hard achieved faculty at our interiority
I have searched too much of mine til date
probably somewhere our evolutionary psychology takes a twisty twirly
and we fall victim to the deformed image of reality and romance
but whether we do get transformed to a time driven cardinal
making us understand what we really missed out
probably not
so we remain less of the bliss of romance
and remain searching where infact it may not be necessarily meant for you
but why we fail to make our own niche
probably the airy nerves never think sane
source: Dr. Dimple.b
some of our steps gone by
it brings a shower of tears
some full of happiness
other too uncomfortable
memories are too stirring to the extent , beyond the capacity of words to express the accompanying volcano and tides of lost feelings which were once cherished through the happenings of our lives so assiduously striven and woven over infinite but programmed on nanoseconds of our labyrinth and if you love and equate with your being around
; you simply keep your tears reverse directed right at your core of your heart unheard, unexpressed over the infinite some resonance of the basics of existence itself
I was surfing some of the pages connected to bbps harsh vihar delhi
I could not stop my stormy nerves to decipher what went at Nanon's speed to make and reshape my present
my heart simply whispered
please don't express further
I can not bear my ownself
source: vashali.n
its a jellyfish which stings in stealthily way and victim dies out of collapse of the blood circulatory system with couple of minutes.
its also known as Portuguese warrior of war, obviously used by the their army as lethal defence system.
the remedy is if you can apply vinegar over the stung areas within minutes.
I took my moments with me as usual
my days and nights are synthetic to the extreme
so is the relevance and things around
It hardly matters who is researching upon me
I write to make me worthy of the time with me
so is my love to the pulsating hearts around me
but I love too much without a factor of with or without
sometimes a few moments of shadow of elixir of smile
it becomes my anchor
and I live with it probably for the time to come
source: Dr. Dimple.B( the first half showing negative feelings is something pertaining to people who simply want to kill my son in either way. the later half is of my happy moments because of my inspiration source.)
I hardly write at this hr due to obvious preoccupations with job
but this picture evoked a special fragrant exuberance
sometimes you conclude that you're surrounded by such horrible evils that its simply not possible to come off their tentacles
reason is simple
its not your own weakness
but someone dear to you is shadowed by their sweet poisons
then you need a infinite length of a spacial rod to move the earth in a nanosecond as postulated by Archimedes
and ironically its true in all respects of higher sciences
but things on ground
its so sweet but not in your reach
just like this picture
I was surfing thro' the pages of my relevance
suddenly my face book flashed one of the hearts of bbps rohini delhi whom my heart has shadowed as backdrop of crunching reality and avenues slipping out of your hand like a fast and tricky snake
my another half visualised my new acquaintance and the heart of new found reality and relevance, a psychiatrist by profession. Her face simply flashed millionth at my cerebrum. I did wonder at my life taking shapes like a rainbow on the end of horizon
my friend and close to my heart who solaced a lot at my happenings with warmth and grateful moments explained the vacuity of our being and \ how to fill the possible elixir in the vacuum at our hearts, like I go to my office and take metro every day.
my heart was too scared at the impending realities at hand
my taxing responsibility of job and sudden crashing work at hand within a few days
I just look at the calender hanging at my room wall and faces me like a devil to unfold its tentacles
how recall too many hearts
as if they shall shadow my uncertain moments
but my heart asks
is that I am made for such stupid thins
all the time to come
or else
shall I have a moment of my own
I recall too many faces
probably I have no reply
source: Dr. Dimple.B
A few days back I was standing at the sacred location of Punjabi people called Baba Farid at Faridkot Punjab India., accompanied by my niece who has been with me at the toughest moments encountered by me.
She was busy at praying and touching the sacred tree where Farid put his hand whilst carrying his sand filled vessel over head and the vessel flowed in air owing to the ecclesiastical powers which Farid achieved with his devotion to the Lord.
One day I heard another saint " don't beg at His place., if at all you can't forget your begging habit whilst at His place- then ask for Himself, it will alleviate your sufferings."\\
I wondered for what I was staying there
my brain and heart both were empty of emotions
but I really don't know if I begged Him or not
I have taken this picture of one of my great source of inspirations
At this hr. She is probably dinning with her hubby
And I am busy at equating her to the almighty
may be in a quest to realise what escapes me all the time I pulsate hard around the reality
but why some hearts are so fragrant
may be
I shall be in a position to ask her
If a chance comes at all
source: Dr.Dimple.B
I am afraid of love
