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I have driven
the desolate heart brain soul
an array of delusions
some of mine
others
better not say
its not the question of biology psychology or psychiatry
ground realities too
spatial vacuous deals
hiatus of revolving
anu was sitting besides me
etios was too slow
winter frost
it was too thick to make you only see the interiors only
but
where is anu
I don't know
This is the place
time line is 1977-78
I am standing here only
my this ghost flat and me
may be one day
kiran will come somewhere in and around Delhi
I may start living again
anu doesn't bother to talk to me
I was talking of relevance
probably an eternal paradigm of life
I have also talked of development
this word may be a little more confusing to the most read too
I have wrote of kaleidoscopic life too
that is a fact
the gradient of existence is well known to a biologist
but sciences of psychology and psychiatry work on different framework
I have often talked of evoking of interest too
and has generally wrote till such this interest quotient is getting evoked the equations remain a little workable
but the fact that kinetics and potentials of life do not work at your wishes or whims or thoughts or capabilities and the like so the sudden driven to the wall factor starts working
Now if I say why you have not come to me so far
the reply is very simple
it may not even be written
but if I say whether you will ever come to me
the science get worked as explained ibid
I was talking of relevance
have you seen dunes
they are simply a dead earth
bereft of emotions
the waterfalls too
it looks like an insane interpretation
but you add love
but from where love shall come
definitely not from dictionaries or Bollywood cranks
It has to be manufactured at your heart
but how
that is what I discussed with Anu only
No body else
till date.
Probably I have written of relevance factor too many times
how it works on the scientific understanding is an ocean of knowledge that may need end less writing and internalizing the complexities of existence
this very factor has been worked upon by Nature itself
The triangle which I explained to anu Dad whilst I was at sirsa is in fact the Pythagoras theorem to solve any question at a point of focus.
I don't think
at this moment
whether there is some practical idea in my hand
ideas are not that is conceptualized by advertising
that is for fascist traits of market economy or free society
I have no where favored a closed concept
Time
it has infinite cardinals
definitions belie each other
science is not that simple
that can be written
in such small words
yes Deepika
you can come to my flat
with any one you prefer
but I do not like the Bollywood people
to the extent I hate the film industry as such
I will not elaborate further
I know karam bhumi equations
even Lord Krishna could not avoid
the marshy swampy landscape
of his existential s
I have renovated it a better
I do not know
the benefit quotient of such visit (s)
or say
I am deliberately hiding the truth factor
and its gradients too
but you can have a time
away from the maddening world
elusive to the teeth possible
I am sure
whilst you shall be with me
No bloody dogs can come near to you
I know their prowess
and the techniques
to neutralize whole hell
around
Story lines move
And
I as usual
lost in oblivion s of find
Most I ask
least I find
I was standing at a place
Gurgaon house of Kiran
I know
Genius brains are misfit every where
I generally have a cig packet
bidi too
I know its health hazard
It was a scene of innovations
self reclusions too
Even driven to walls
made of mirrors
that
hardly afford
too opaque
too stoic
But it makes what sense
to paint
what is not there
There stands a green
its beautiful
isolated too
But I could not find
What I was looking for
Stray dogs
probably they could smell my worth
All of them
struggled hard to find proximity
me a docile delusion ed chap
Every Na non
it looked too irrelevant
I did notice
their female and their fights
of the dominions
one day
a psychiatrist
it was a memory lane only
Dogs are too stinky
they come to your living rooms too
I have faced
ensconced too
You see
It gives hard equations
And
I am poor at all know ledges
Now a day came
Navu was with me
its a subash palace market complex
probably some woods were still fresh
I was still a less throbbed upon
I spent a few hrs with her
I remember those nice moments
As if
Nature forgot to punish me
round the clock
I know
you may not come at all
I have yet to learn
how to live
Dogs are filthy
I do know
its a tough equations
May be
I have hope (s)
yes
no definitions available
and the
stray dogs
कितनी गहरी होंगी
बड़े बड़े
हरे भरे
उन पेड़ों की जड़े
जो अक्सर
तेज हवाओं के
संग झूमते
बदलते मौसम के
हर मिजाज को
बेफिक्र चूमते
शायद कहीं
अंतर की गहरायी
तय करती होगी
कितनी ऊँची हो
आसमान में उड़ान
भीतर की चाह
देती होगी पंख
भरने को ऊँची उड़ान.
yes love
I was continuing my letter
Dad was too innovative at his nerves
in his one living room he made his window too airy and placed a big cot adjoining it to make it a panoramic when idling on the cot and have fresh air too , it gave a vision on his work place
a big hanging fan made of wooden base having a long spread ed coloured cotton cloth and it was hung on the roof on a big log with the help of a rolling pulley , one big rope of fine cotton was tied to the wooden part and it hung loose through the movable pulley , it was that long to enable a person make it swing whilst siting practically at all possible length linear of course.
When Dad deputed me for the job
I used my legs more rather than hands
may be it was too playful
Love
I was telling you of my small days
summer in my village is known for its sharp rise and drop of temperature
I told you my Dad house was on mud only
initially it was a single room with kitchen
then he got it extended with another big rooms for storage
and got erected a platform in front of all the rooms
He was fond of his pet tree an acacia arabica plant along with another sister plant of bushy in content
this was used as a shade for making food in hot and scorching sun
later on he got erected a tan door for catering larger demand way away from the rooms to best suit the hot environs
his house was in an L shape the small wing being the kichen and large being storing rooms
it was east facing
the trees stood in east to west at the end of the arm of L
he used to fetch ice from a nearby town
keep it in husk used as a thermocol
mom made food
mostly on tandoor
a share system at tandoor prevailed during those days
neighbors pooled the fire wood and labor too
it was a gossip point too
he had many big cots as big as you simply can not imagine
four to five were used and put in the front area of house
water was sprayed for making environs cool
mom made "pakki lassi " of milk and ice and sugar
vegetables included onions bringals cucurbetaceae family vize kaddu tori
oil was from the cattle
normal curd and lassi was not available at evening food as temperature had no scope of such facility
I was too small
as little
as you can imagine.
Love
Today I am washing cloths
some are too worn out
I have yet to see you with me
your Dad is too stoic
I dont think he will allow you to live with me
your mom is liberal
yes its the other way round
what you have experienced till date
Love
good morning
Nothing having drinks cheers !!
I was telling you of my small days
Dad brought his first tractor
it was a ford
during those days Indians were that crank they used to sing the songs but do nothing. Nehru and Gandhi has spoil t the genes.
That spoilage is still continuing to a larger level
Now it has taken a black hole equations
I told you
one day I wrote a love poem
Kan , Navu friend
she was reflected as a source of inspiration
Kan called Navu and ricky and asked them to tell me to remove her name immediately
I did as directed.
Dad used to repair his tractor on his own
Love
I was just reading the Tagore work ; translation only yaar !! I do not know any bullshit love poetry and non sense around it.
I feel its a psychiatric disease only.
Today my whole hell hierarchal cranks were disturbing me
Even my canteen tele showed your latest film clips some jawani etc etc to me by bloody cable remote control mechanism
Nothing
I kept as if I hardly know anything
just like
you hardly love me
and I paint
you love me all the time.
Love
I don't think you have read my whole website
its not simple to understand even for the infinite brains
our policy makers including Armed Forces
they are just cranks nothing else
I can not say about general peoples
as they are given the benefits of doubts
some are lost in religious oblivions
other s are shirkers of different kinds
we as Indians speak hi fi English like crank Nehru
but do nothing on ground reality
the solution lies
corporate culture at every level
whether its desi or FDI
but the problem is
begging instinct has gone into our genes.
Love
I have been asked by my powers to shift to university life all of a sudden.
I told you I am a failed genius
I performed to that extent that even whole of the earth can not understand abc of my worth. I asked Cabinet of India and Prime Minister to send my appointment letter as per record of soft page and on my officer diary.''
Nothing has happened even till this moment.
Neither you have bothered to come.
Change is such a concept of Nature No body actually wants to internalize none the least existentialize .
the basic trigger of Natural forces
and what are Natural forces
My univ life actually told me.
Love
I was telling you of my early encounter
I saw my Dad deeply in love with his cattle
In Punjabi its called bara which do not get reflected in English Dictionary in the true sense of the word. English is poor in too too many aspects. I will tell you this point when I shall come to you with my university time encounter.
Dad had a beauty queen buffalo w with him.
he asked his man to go along with his beautiful queen and its baby to her youngest sister who was residing at a nearby town at a distance of 45 km. The journey was on sandy pathways.
but probably Dad did not know that his beauty queen loved him more than he could know it
one fine late evening it was standing touching the feet of my Dad.
It did not eat food for a couple of hrs nor accepted water .
Dad again asked another man to accompany with another beauty queen and its baby and fetch back the kid of its first one.
I used to see my Dad love to his beauty queens and wonder what actually love stand for.
Love
I was telling you of my very early days at school
one day I told you I forgot to wear my chapal s
yeah sudden rise of temperature
sandy dunes surrounded my house
I had to piss and hop
one day it was evening time
Dad told his person to carry a gunny bag of wheat for grinding
it was a big one
gunny bags used to be two types
I sat on it as the bullock cart of Dad was slowly reaching towards the atta machine
A lady who was owner of this machine asked us to wait for the turn
It was big stones revolving on anonther one and the underneath part was a big mud tank whilst the upper most extenstion of the machine was supported by a pulley that was connected to a big log put on two mud pillar of say 15 feet in height
A male cow was pulling the load.
I sat on a seat behind its pulling wooden come leather mechanism
I was observing at its slow pace but it did not stop either for water or fodder
Way back home
the Dad person was carrying the load of atta after giving a small portion say about 2 Kg of that time to the lady as barter for the work done.
Love
I was talking of monotony
Its a total misnomer that the so called bloody babas or babi can bring a solution
its for the fools only
youth can be be fooled by them
but that creates another conflict order
having no end in nearby reach
The real solution lies
create jobs
not cranks
Love
whilst at my KG (kinder garden ) and lower KG level
my primary school was made of one big kachha (mud ) room partitioned by a kacha wall , one side was a relatively smaller space where teachers used to sit for their rest. I have seen only two teachers at my time.
The classes were generally in front of this room in a lawn which was beautified by big shade trees. I remember it was Neem, Dalbergia accompanied by small bushy herbs. I used to carry a small gunny bag to make it a platform for sitting on the ground as grass was not there. Teacher was having a wooden chair and there was no black board.
I was not sure how he managed food as only a hand pump was there . We used to go to drink water with the permission of the monitor. I never carried any eatables with me nor any of the students did so.
one fine morning the teacher asked us to go back to homes.
whilst coming back I noticed my Dad accompanied by too many peoples of all ages were quickly making a round wall in the visible range of the village surrounding its all Kachha houses as there was no pakka house at that time.
At late evening Mom told me to go to the roof top. I did not know why a shift of the routine has come.
I remember Dad used to send a man to fetch fodder in a boat for his cattle.
I recall those days as I often accompanied that person.
Love
I have been compelled to write an extremely disturbing letter to you. Reasons are many.
Scientists do not understand there is a limiting factor to their non sense
I tell you a secret : a prostitute is zillion times better to the so called faithful wives.
You shall wonder at the sanity factor.
I shall say the former comes to her house the later never comes.
I know
if I explain the gradient of lambda factors
these bastards will put my office hierarchy
to put a whole non sense on me
as today
its my working day.
Love
the biggest focus of research at most advanced labs under different conflict orders and g is how to write rewrite and decipher the human brain in toto
you are standing in a triangle
the center portion is g
but all of you three hearts have their own independent g too
the question arises
whether the main first is true or not
the reply is yes
its true only
but the science is not so simple love
have you seen Japanese copper rounded calender for say 100 years or so
come
I will tell you
the empirical part of it
Love
I am going to write a real disturbing letter today
Have you read of Amartya Sen and Mother Teresa
these are the biggest fools ever created by society and its conflict orders and g
The prime focus and study of the brains has to be creations of jobs
Jobs can not be created by Sonia Gandhi or Mayawati or Bengal Chief Minister Mamta Banerjee Jayajalitha Takla and his sons Dev Raj Goda and his party , Reddy s and Paswans Lalus nor by brains like speaker of Lok Sabha who only know s to say Namaskar and beth jayei.
capital intensive focus is a principal cardinal but you can not create localised Lalas like sunars banayas or Malls and the like.
corporates with laisez faire system and chain system of economy can create jobs at mega large scale. you can not create the bloody contractors or middlemen who provide contractual jobs to students and instead keep the major part of the loot and pay little amount to the students.
but who is the person who can do it
Deepika Padukone
reasons : She does not possess the filthy brains of Indian divisive system of politics.
Love
I have studied up to 5th standard in my primary school at village Mirzapur
I am painting you another picture
I know I have told you every body has a Photoshop or its evolved versions on Linux or Linux like software, as soft languages are being written on daily basis by thousands of brains under their own mechanism of conflict orders and g
one fine day
Dad told me come a little early
I used to play with my dusty friends
bereft of definitions
Surinder and Parkash Kaurs and Asa Singh Mastana
the folk singers who cached the masses with their worth
Lak hilei mizazan jaundi da
Lei dei gadwa chandi da
they were struck nearby
roads were not laid by
Congress ruled my area
its only Devi Lal and Sons
also known as Gundas
( in the eyes of congress high command )
Mayawatis only make elephants
I got interrupted whilst editing my entry
I was a silent listener among st the huge gathering
un imaginable
it was pre 1965 period
Love
you shall wonder
why I am painting a picture
every boy has Photoshop software with him/her now a days
I was not a pliable chap
difficult self riddle
one day Dad thought
he purchased a small dusty room nearby at sirsa residence of ours
it used be a storehouse for fodder
raw husk fetched from village
he managed to send his two buffaloes and one cow from village to sirsa residence
he was in love with his cattle
a huge number of them
including the male cows
meant for farm related works
one day he asked me
there was a fodder yielding small portion in his land
the bullock cart he managed with one male cow
it was having the inflated tyers not wooden ones
I was sitting half asleep on the makka / hybrid maze cum wild maze
the slow pace of bullock and me
memories
I told you
you can know better
