But probably I really don't know if I really love you or you love me.

If I am not failing at my memory lane there has all been a rather severe critique debate of occidentals and orientals or say mind set ups of different moorings and the like. The debate is however endless in its content and value quotient and there is no practical use to play a trump and the like. Swami Ram thirath ( you can notice I am not correcting the spelling even after I have checked it from net- reasons I think only you can under stand no body else.) was not comfortable with some pennies under his pillow. European rich have been noticed to throw their dollars from sky in a sheer frustration of their worth whilst Pakistanis are known to have opium money in what form not. Kejriwal is not a true person in any form neither his team ( dont give them credit from my this article.) I have often wondered at american writers tagging Indians lost in outer world whilst they are aware space scientists are looking for spatial civilizations whilst humans on earth are stacked to the tethered horrible. Failing value conscience paradigm is a by product of Darwin laws only. But it needs probably another spell of my love letter to pen down what this aspect really pertains to.  But probably I really don't know if I really love you or you love me. 

This mirror is that horrible that I dont want to pen down.

andheirei merei man kei
kuch kaheitein' hein
rehei lo ham kei sath
saya ban kei hamara
ham to sath hein terei
havanon' ko apna na banao
kya bacha hei
tumarei pass'
padha tha eik subahei
mahadevi verma kei
sulgatei hei man kei angar
chubhtei thei
shuul ban kar
shabdo ki gahrahia
bahut hi karvi sachaia
chubtein' sulgatein' angar
fir fir yatein' hein yaad 

andheirei merei man kei

yes deepika its true probably even this date I am unable to understand and realize the depth of Mahadevi verma creations. Initially I thought why the hell the poetess is so pensive and elusive of her own self but as the time passed and crunch faced me the mirror came nearer and nearer to me. This mirror is that horrible that I dont want to pen down.

What a poor chap I happen to be.

Love
people are hell bound to elope anu and your environment whether it may be your karambhumi or say your own hearts lets not name it, are least interested in coming of you to me. you may be tossing what it s be of any use to come to me. Anu is also constrained of her karam bhumi. I have resigned to live a desolate life till my last laugh. Finding relevance in thin airs. I was a part of the desolate unrelated environs too much of mine. I dont think either of you can simply withstand a bloody one hr of life which I negotiate day to day. If you remotely happen to come to me , tonnes of truck loads of bullshit non sense will accompany you. Later on may be at a later date the basic science of that I cant afford to have such energy and material worth and other worth factor to sustain you for a period that can be categorized a life. End ( this is bio driven interactive one ) will tell you dekhio maneio thaneio kaho tho bhudo sei nato joro go thei yeiho result miloso thanei. What a poor chap I happen to be.

Have you seen it love.

you have already read my letter that got erased, once Newton asked his pet dog : darling you dont know what you have done ( when it tumbled a burning candle on his physics innovations that got burnt for all time to come ) Newton could make laws may be he was working at that time anti gravity factor which scientists  of the present generation still find hard to pen down what to put on tech levels. but love you are not newtons laws nor is anu but dog is there in the form of my bio constraints driven cardinals may be I have to say every time my beautiful dog can you do something that my newton s laws can be put on tech ground so that I can see a life of my own as I have sufficiently written on my web page just for 
free . My beautiful dog says : you better become a one yourself. Some time I see myself and then my beautiful dog. Have you seen it love. 

clowns I have heard

clowns I have heard 
day and night
fathomless nerves
faces
clowns I have heard

may it be
why Cant I be one
fathomless
clown I have heard

clowns I attire
one by one
thread free
I get 
as I travel
clowns I have heard

clown I adore
one by one
direction less
I get
as I find
clowns I have heard

who is that 
clowns I have heard
I fail to see
clowns I have heard

Etios was asking dont you feel there is no package deal.

I have cached your snap which you never even thought of that I may do so. You are beautiful smart catching and other aspects too. I have not chosen it for any such precincts so to say like. One day I was bound to sirsa as usual for my mundanes I stopped at sukheja house as anu who told me that she will be waiting for me got struck some where else. I had no idea why I have stopped at sirsa except that I was putting a stop gap as direct to village is tiresome and not so easy task as there is no arrangement even for a night shelter. After 2.5 hrs later suddenly sukheja but not me ( notice the script ) got a call that anu and family has reached and waiting outside his house at huda sector as its called so. I went outside as per protocol on predefined ways, she said uncle very sorry we got late and struck up. I was having my own car so I followed them after a few converse so to say like. I was informed that they have a job of clicking the package deal. One day this package deal had anniversary day and anu did not bother to inform it. I was again on similar tour and stopped at sukheja house for a while then proceeded to anu house and was in a not defined mood how to react as the package deal along with anu were being hosted at a nearby hotel. I called back sukheja for his help. He said let me try first the option of you being at anu house and finally anu brother came to receive me at his house I was following him on my car to the site as I was not aware of nuances of sirsa however it happened to be a place which is not bullshit bigger than even pitampura and I burnt my whole life over there only. At the hotel a not so old man was the host on behalf of the say originator of package deal. He did not make a protocol friendly attire to make me a part of the new package deal of say some 20 minutes or so and I thought better not react as I know sirsa walas aukat end s at the bloody trilock chand ahuja mandi bazar only. Anu wanted to tell me that she is not a party to the package deal of this 20 minutes. I could not tell her that there is no need to tell me any damn thing.

later I went with them and the host of the package deal in question went away with some verbatim ho ho bhai sahib mhei tharo barei sahib ko jano so vakil tharho shoro aur ham bhi tharo barei bhai kei aachei doost thei I smiled back as if I am the bloody ever possible ulu ka patha on earth. 

next morning I went to village and came back in the evening and I got call over there from anu mom that when I will have food.

I took the food stayed for that night too and started my etios back to delhi.

when I reached at hansi I took a cup of tea and a laado. may be some other etc.

Etios was asking dont you feel there is no package deal. 

Deepika I am sure your mom has not understood this narration you can check it if you are not convinced so. 
yes deepika its a quite mundane way of narration but seriously I don't feel you r mom has still understood. You see a mom feels that she is the wondrous worth to create a person like you ( its for example only ) but its a serious science she doesn't do any damn thing at all. 

you can notice

love
you can notice I have not corrected the first two letters of the starting address , probably you will wonder that I am lazy or might have taken bloody opium or some good vodka of sena bhawan or may be I bloody have fallen in love with you to that bloody too deep level of recognition s and the like. But can you tell me any director worth the name on Indian soil if I am not referring to global cauldron who has given serious effort to depict what is that so to say like that removes common sense on individual levels mass levels and say commune level or say collective level. I know everybody has one basic target it may any set of hell plethora of kaleidoscopic content and value of say any number of platforms of life or say stages of live scenario or say role models or say existential s , the concept of lets see what is ahead or say the precincts of anything that may be broadly categorized under the mega or micro or even nano paradigm of development if I am not to evoke Darwin law as such. I don't think you have a bloody one person in your live world who can simply translate into Hindi or some bloody bullshit local language what I mean to say over here.