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the moments of unknown thresholds
as the clocks tick its fast tone
I steer clear of
what has already got through
may be
my evolutionary nerves
they have realised my soul
references of the gone by
with the inbuilt genii quotient
may shall prove come forth
at the slightest glimpse of
new challenges
but I shall define the time
I am promising to fight
a new battle front
source: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I am afraid of love
"mughei pyar sei dar lagta he"
I was negotiating the hectic traffic on Vijaychowk
Army buses waited the people in dress to come and push off fast as the VIP movement suddenly came crashing on the surrounding
I took fast steps to avoid embarrassment to the security people
but suddenly stoped afterwords
I was not at all interested who is that VIP that happened to throng here at this hr of rush and fast catche' of the evening close up
I am afraid of love
my heart was repeatedly pulling me up
I didn't bother to reply
now my steps stopped on expanse of lawns beautifully maintained to put extra glamour to the happening site for millions
the reverberated sound of my heart resonated in the stratosphere
"I am afraid of love"
I kept silent
are you fool enough: you are not listening to me : my heart pulled me up
suddenly I found the whole passage was diverted owing to Republic day ceremony preparations
I have managed this expanse too many time whilst on security duty
my heart again pulled me up: are you bullshit damn deaf and dummy around
I was instead lost in the fragrance of the environs
my focused eyes on India Gate
It appeared like a profusely dressed up bride
I pondered how many brides have lost their love to fetch this happening day to me
my heart was asking his stupid questions too intermittently
suddenly I got annoyed
I retorted back
can't you see
every body was afraid of love
whilst they scarified all
damn it : don't teach me the history of nationalities
Now I listened to my heart
but by this time
it got evolved to that extent
yes love
I appreciate
Love is only meant for loosing
and love lives in ghost entities
probably that is the right place of its existence
my heart was self satiated
but now I was looking the blues
why I am afraid of love
I asked me instead
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the day went to the tunes of twisty twirly rhythms of work
with whims of self devised oasis
whilst the mirage continued to play the roost of toughest reality
I remembered the cosy times spent with my acquaintance transformed to sweet heart
ground reality crunch didn't budge at all
I fought with streams of reality equations
the dwindling strength of spirits with me
gaining strength at another moment
with vengeance of my nerves
the struggle is infinite
I know
my lonely heart and hardy nerves will never accept defeat
but I do wonder
what I have to do
whom to give my sides
source:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
the day ended with a usual tone of preparedness for the next morning hrs
its nothing new in my Army environs
I was slow and pausing too frequent as if I didn't wish to come to my home
I suddenly felt the fragrance of trees was too penetrating
the rustic attire of Her is a bliss
I know this since my univ days
but what made the moments so special
I didn't pull my nerves to act
the spirit of monotonous entity refused to budge at all
my steps and me
they are accustomed to roam around vijay chowk
the happenings ulma mater
people throng to get the taste of their love one
some of the plants appeared to wish me something special
my dud nerves brushed aside their gestures
I crossed the royal expanse
with no inkling of special moments
my heart did sleep over the itinerary
of the chores
I realised
I was getting fresh fragrance from own aura
whilst being too busy at my work during whole of the day
I did wonder
I have not applied any special perfume
what makes my system to feel like rouwolfia
or say magnolian beauty lit large
A senior Col of forces asked me to sign the papers
of the previous day finished work
I thought army officers are used to such fragrance
but this was throughout the day
I came at my this pc
suddenly found
the fragrance was oozing out
I still wonder
how this fragrance walked along me
to that extent
source: my special heart
pyar" keisa hota hei
how does love look like
my heart asks me
I stop my tears
I know it would like too stupid
I was walking as usual at the Rajpath whilst vijay chowk was already shadowed with thick blanket of fog
I could realise the shining border lines
as if the lord has to come and say something
may be I am too afraid of love
the reasons are abysmally simple
IF hurt feels are weakening me
as day passes
I don't look like a weakened stuff
but my heart asks
what will you do with the strength
I search every nanon of my happenings
work equations laugh at me
and say
what will you after we expire our innings
I smile
but fights remain intact
source::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
me and my environment
often ask each other
the questions are asked in cipher language
I have learned this language at my Army experience
but the hearts wavelengths
No body can have depth of the things around
its even beyond the expertise of psychiatry
howsoever smart and manoeuvre able the doctor may be
but what it pertains to
its not that things are painted in rosy
life remains intact in normal ways around
the meaning and equations change a billionth
but how to know the things in between the lines
its simply beyond the understanding of a normal brain
stars shine as usual
but the shine of love is different
so is the life around
the fragrance of the environs
its takes the warmth
hitherto inexperienced by the mundanes
normal mundane brain may call it simply foolish
but its the other way round
on the reality aspects of this exotic existence
its not that it involves any possession
in either way
its rather the contrary
but it gives you all
in return
source::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
hitherto fore I never realised that I am loved by such exotic hearts who enthused me to write and have a meaning of life so vacuous otherwise to the extent I see the horizon and ask myself who the person are you
I was conversing to Neha Mehta and found myself to be as if living on another planet of exotica
I was writing like a robot and probably she wondered how to respond to this spoilt genius
I know my end of know how is horrible to an equation whereby I have to stop myself with psychiatric medicines
but I love to love my sweet hearts
my heart asks where are you all alone
I get caught by the penetrating question of my heart
I look for
but what is that
today late evening as I crossed the vijay chowk
it was a scintillating scene all around
the lights were putting extra glamour to the landscape around
I did ask myself
such an exotic place
and you remain so desolate and dejected
but why so
probably I have no reply
I search where my love has got lost
but what is my love
I fail to understand myself
the quest goes on relentlessly
and I find in another quagmire
to know myself
and my love
source: Neha .C Mehta
the moments of unknown thresholds
